There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
