I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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