It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
