I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
