I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
