we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
