i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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