1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
