I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
