can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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