hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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