i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
