all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
