Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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