I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
