How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
