Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
