I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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