i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They are going to name an STD after you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
