He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
