you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
