Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
