First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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