Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
