I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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