kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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