I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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