at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
