I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
