This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
