apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
