it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
