I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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