YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
