i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
