Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
