I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
