yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
