Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did i walk over a car last night?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
