she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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