Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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