So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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