his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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