If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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