So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
