The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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