Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
