You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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