I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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