Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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