ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
