no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
