we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So vagazzling was a success
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
